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18 September 2017 @ 02:30 pm
So my life has taken an odd twist. I seem to recall growing up in Canada, population 30,000,000. Anyone else think it's a hell of lot smaller than it was when we were growing up?

Plus...am I right in thinking it's just gotten a hell of a lot scarier? Feeling a touch outnumbered here. And if the walls fell (hey...Taylor Swift sang it so it must be true) circa 2009, ummm...what got out and are we trapped in here with them?

Also wondering if it's ground hog year here in the Town, er...Ottawa. It's alot smaller than it should be isn't it. And where the hell is it anyway? I think it's upside down if that makes any sense to people.

Strange as this sounds, my birth certificate says Natalie Marilyn Durdle, born May 1, 1970 and with the white in my hair and the extra weight I gained in Nova Scotia, I looked my age. Having lost a little, and with my hair bleached blond, looking a lot more like 30ish biologic is my actual age. So...WTF?

Am I right to be a tad confused? Statring to feel like my whole life has been one big lie and everyone around me is an actor. Been doing some screaming about it too. Probably look like a crazy person but frankly, I'm not yelling at the people who might have been trapped in here with me. Trying to hang onto some shred of trust in 265alpha and maybe the people I grew up with, but it's getting damn hard. Probably shouldn't have watched so much X-Files. Seriously regretting every horror movie I ever watched. One is one too many apparently.

Ya know, i started going through my memories and the odd thing is, i think I'm missing the fiorst 6 or 7 years of my life. I recall being 5 on Smoky Drive in NS when my parents built the green house (which is now white) but I think i was too tall and i only have about a few weeks worth of actual memories that seem to suggest I may actually have been reenacting someone's life anyway.

Don't think I was abused. No muscle or sense memory. Also suspect I was raised around big dogs - rottweilers and german shepards. No fear of them, can read them mostly and there's no real reason I should be able to. Also think I may have had some basic martial arts training as well as balance beam.  One day my father can stalking into the living room and instead if thinking "I'm in trouble" or "I didn't do it", I instantly assumed I was going to be grabbed. I wasn't scared - which is odd 'cause I do get scared - and without any real reason to react that way, I calmly decided to try a martial arts throw over my head. Shocked me when it started to work and I aborted the move because i suddenly realized he had no martial arts training that I could recall and I didn't know how to complete the move wiuthout hurting him.

This doesn't strike me as normal for the average 9 or 10 year old child who has no memory of having martial arts training and based on a couple articles I've read as an adult actully suggests this could actually be the result of the kind of training more likely to be given to a SEAL. And everything in the article fits what I remember feeling at the time.

It goes on from there. In retrospect my memories don't make sense. it's like my life has been staged half the time. It's always bothered me that people didn't seem to be talking to me or holding actual conversations. Beginning to suspect I may know why now. Is this the Canada I recall or am I crazy to suspect anything and everything form a zoo to and insane asylum to a Russian game zone for snuff films? I'm actually beginning to wonder if the US I learned about in school actually exists. The most recent yahoo articles sure look a bit ridiculous.

Best time of my life was the Fire Crew in '89. If you know them, are they safe? Having some weird muscles spasms and nerve responses where the only logical conclusion is implanted nanobots or something that can give off a low electrical impulse. The charge itself is - um - well given the location it's not painful. However it's clearly coordinated and programmable and I suspect the power source causes tissue damage when it leaks. Either that or someone has been diliberaltely causing massive tissue damage or sensitive regions.

Unless I was assaulted while under hypnosis or drugged, this actually makes more sense give the timing of the symptoms I've had over the years.Thing is, the tech shouldn't be this advanced in 2017. Is it 2017? Actually having doubts here.

Also suspect the people here are garbling the audio of what I've been saying. Yes, i know, classic case of paranoia. Only if they aren't out to get you. Not sure if they've been using it to bait or make others think i know more than I do. Fact is, my whole worldview has collapsed and I can't think of any good reason this should ever have been allowed to happen in the Canada I thought this country was. If the walls came down in 2009, should things have gotten better, not ummm, potentially fatal?

Given the possibility of programmable miniaturized nerve stimulators (and I can't actually believe I just wrote that) I've been feeling a few pain impulses over the last few weeks. Two stabbing pains through the lower stomach recently, one sharp stab in the back, a pain in the left should and several around the heart region. Beginning to worry this might have a meaning beyond the classic army psychological mindfuck.

Given that this city-that-feels-like-the-goblin-kingdom also feels like a freaking death trap, I have to wonder if this might mean there are a few people that need some help, or who may have been scared into killing themselves. Seriously worried about them given they might be 265 alpha and friends(?).

Plus, i'm starting to wonder about the words You, Me, and I and alternate meanings. They are popping up in places where the context makes no sense UNLESS they are referring to people. Feeling a bit odd about that because it's like a dialect but I was never taught the grammatical rules. And it all feels like people playing games where if anyone tries to run or complain, it just sounds like you're a mental case. But there's a definate pattern here.

Sadly, my friends in NS got that one covered. Have no choice but to beleive they either got misled and trapped, or they set me up to get here. Not sure if i should head for Kingston or Cornwall before Calgary.
17 April 2016 @ 04:40 am

So, I'm back. Well, sort of. It's been a long time.

I wanted to give an update for anyone still holding out hope I might finish some of my outstanding WIPS.

First, I'm trying to go pro! I will be self-publishing my first novel this year on Kindle under the penname A.E. Silver. If you are interested, there's more info posted at www.aesilver.com.

What does this mean for my fanfiction?

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So there it is. Not the best news, I know, but what I can finish, I will.

Lastly, I really wanted to thank everyone who has taken time to review my stories over the years. It's been a long road for me to get back to writing again and your encouragement had a lot to do with convincing me to stick with it. So thank-you. I may be lousy at replying, but every review was much loved and appreciated.

Warm Regards!


30 January 2009 @ 02:48 am

People are going to end up on the government payroll one way or the other - either during a Bail-Out or through the Social Safety Net when they lose their jobs. Rather than going through the same-old, same-old, personally I'd like to see the government take the opportunity to use that money to encourage positive changes. 

SGCBearcub's 2009 Stimulus Package

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25 November 2007 @ 05:01 pm

The XO laptop. Not-For-Profit. Can I just say what an amazing concept this is? I have no doubts that this piece of equipment is going to quietly revolutionize the world for children everywhere.

My one problem with charity programs is that so many attack the symptoms (necessary), without solving the root cause(depressing). This laptop will go a long way toward attacking the problems. I can't believe what they managed to pack into that case. Inexpensive, rugged, internet and wireless local network. It's even an ebook reader which means textbooks and teaching tools can be digital! 


Go see! Personally, I'm trying to figure out if I can scrape up enough money to participate in the Give One, Get One program. $399 and I get one of these laptops (individuals can't buy otherwise) and a second is donated to a needy child. Deadline December 31. They are focusing on third world countries first, where the budget for education is so much lower, but eventually they want to see every child in the world with one of these. The product is that amazing.

I honestly think they could do it.

Current Mood: enthralled
11 November 2007 @ 11:34 pm
Maybe I was spoiled, growing up in an age of W5 and Dateline news reports. Or maybe my memories are blurred with time, but I seem to recall that journalism used to mean something. Reporters actually went looking for facts and the meaning behind the story. They actually presented news in a way that supposedly allowed the reader to understand the events affecting their lives. 

At the moment, all the articles about the WGA strike seem to be carbon copies of one another, providing little beyond the basic information provided in the first couple of days. And without behind-the-scenes interviews and opinions by experts providing a peek into the motivations of the people driving the decision-making, readers are left to be influenced only by their natural compassion for the below-the-line workers losing their source of income. 

I'd like to think this is a masterful example of the media being used to influence public opinion, but I have the lowering feeling it's because the people writing the articles can't be bothered to find out what the drivers behind the issue actually are. Or worse, they don't know how to find out. Which is scarier.

I don't pretend to be a journalist. But from the outside looking in, several things jump out at me:

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
02 October 2007 @ 11:17 pm

Why Stargate: Atlantis is Doomed (or: A Failure of Archetypes)

This is what I get for buying story structure software right before NaNoWriMo. Gah!!! I had no intention of ranting, but in lieu of tearing my hair out with frustration or sending a Howler to TPTB, this will have to do.

I want to love Atlantis, really I do. But I've been finding the stories increasingly flat-especially this year. I think I finally figured out why.  Unfortunately, they seem to be so busy recreating the character roles from SG-1, that they have completely ignored the  underlying archetypes that made the characters of SG-1 so fascinating and easy to understand.


Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
21 November 2006 @ 09:49 pm
I'll be MIA for the next few days. Our call centre closes for the American holidays and I managed to finagle some vacation time and turned it into a five day week-end.(Although I saved days for NY in May!)

Now here's hoping I can cram the better part of 50,000 words into 5 days. Hoolies. Forget the virtual chocolate. I'm going to need a virtual hospital bed,lol.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
08 November 2006 @ 06:44 pm

Well...I got a lot of words written...

Note to self: Do NOT start a new fanfic two weeks before NaNoWriMo.

So far I've added 12,000 words to the story. It's not the right story, alas. Not sure yet if I'm going to get a chance to finish a real Nano fic this year. I have another 4 day week-end coming up (Gotta love being single at Thanksgiving,lol). So...maybe. Meanwhile, i suppose at the very least I'll aim to complete the word count if not actually qualify.



03 November 2006 @ 10:21 am
Isn't there a rule that says your story is NOT allowed to decamp to Mexico and leave a non-porn, CHILDREN'S BOOK in its place? <outrage>

Child of Fire. Redone. Perfect for LUNA. Heck...I'd get paid if they liked it.

Will someone explain why I'm writing about talking horses....?
31 October 2006 @ 07:17 pm
Okay...I caved. I went to a scrapbooking party just to get a friend of mine some free goodies and bam! $150 bucks later...

But...it's so COOL!! I'm getting a tapestry covered scrapbook that has all sorts of "destination" landmarks overlayed postcard style (picture when I have one) and what should be smack dab in the middle, but the Statue of Liberty. Considering I'm already planning to take copious pictures at Highline, this is purrrfect.

I'm such a sap.

But I really regret not taking photos over the years. I still have the memories, but try explaining those memories. Plus, I was in good shape and younger. Photo proof would have been nice,lol.