Log in

No account? Create an account
27 November 2017 @ 08:53 pm
Not Even Shadows

Child of time,
What do you see?
Through the haze of lies
Surrounding me
You took me high
Then brought me low
For reasons that I still don’t know
Tell me

When the dark turns to night
In the middle of a fight
While you’re lost
Before I’m found
When our hearts are bleeding on the ground
Tell me
How do you like me now?

You never wrote
You never called
Was I supposed to know it all?
All those plans they had for me
Do you and me and him make three?
But no one said
No one tried
To the know the pain
My silence cried
Tell me

When the dark turns to night
In the middle of a fight
While you’re lost
Before I’m found
When our hearts are bleeding on the ground
Tell me
How do you like me now?

Fool of time
See what you’ve done
Who pays the price
When this battle’s won?
Foolish gold is all they bought
Lessons of pain are what you taught
Fire burning to the sea,
Is this what you call legacy?

Tell me

When the dark turns to night
In the middle of a fight
While you’re lost
Before I’m found
When our hearts are bleeding on the ground
Tell me

How do you…
How do you…

How do you like me now?
27 November 2017 @ 08:17 pm
I was playing with song lyrics when I was in Toronto. (Now in Montreal - H3G postal code area) Thought I'd post the results. Keep in mind these are only the 3rd and 4th songs I've ever attempted to write.

Call Center Blues

Heaven’s got call waiting

Hell needs call ID

Purgatory’s texting

To see when a tech is free.

The server blew at 5 am

The water lines are froze

I need a half a dozen minds

We’re short a few of those.

Olympus bounced a payment

And needs to track a bill

Someone left a cockroach

Lying on the window sill.

New York wants a line in

They booked it SAP and STAT

While the midnight train to Nashville

Went ahead and jumped the tracks.

The kitchen blew a gasket

The generator’s fried

Accounting lost a month’s receipts

The CEO just died.

There’s a lawyer down the hallway

We’re missing time and tact

While the overtime from yesterday

Is now tomorrow's lack.

We’re taking fire from London

The bridge just went and fell

Wall Street started screaming

Get up, get out and sell.

The gators all left Florida

They’re on the 105

LA caught it all on film

They want to stream it live.

Bob was waiting for a package

Coffee shipped by mail

Now the DEA is hinting

We might end up in jail.

Our AHT just slipped and fell
Our profit margin dived
The market panicked yesterday
But somehow we survived.

So listen when we tell you
The cheque is in the mail
We'll reset all your passwords
And fix that epic fail.
We'll only double-bill you
If the systems all go down
So let the tapping and the dancing
Smooth away that frown.

Have a seat and take a breath
It's gonna be awhile
But trust us when we laugh and give
That service with a smile.

18 September 2017 @ 02:30 pm
So my life has taken an odd twist. I seem to recall growing up in Canada, population 30,000,000. Anyone else think it's a hell of lot smaller than it was when we were growing up?

Plus...am I right in thinking it's just gotten a hell of a lot scarier? Feeling a touch outnumbered here. And if the walls fell (hey...Taylor Swift sang it so it must be true) circa 2009, ummm...what got out and are we trapped in here with them?

Strange as this sounds, my birth certificate says Natalie Marilyn Durdle, born May 1, 1970 and with the white in my hair and the extra weight I gained in Nova Scotia, I looked my age. Having lost a little, and with my hair bleached blond, looking a lot more like 30ish biologic. Am I right to be a tad confused?

I'm feeling like my whole life has been one big lie and everyone around me is an actor. Been doing some screaming about it too. I probably looked like a crazy person but frankly, I'm not yelling at the people who might have been trapped in here with me. Trying to hang onto some shred of trust in 265alpha and maybe the people I grew up with, but it's getting damn hard. Probably shouldn't have watched so much X-Files. Seriously regretting every horror movie I ever watched. One is one too many apparently.

Ya know, I started going through my memories and the odd thing is, I think I'm missing the first 6 or 7 years of my life. I recall being 5 on Smoky Drive in NS when my parents built the green house (which is now white) but I think I was too tall and I only have about a few weeks worth of memories. I don't think I was abused. No muscle or sense memory. I also suspect I was raised around big dogs - german shepards I suspect. No fear of them, can read them mostly and there's no real reason I should be able to.

I also think I may have had some basic martial arts training as well as balance beam.  One day my father can stalking into the living room and instead if thinking "I'm in trouble" or "I didn't do it", I instantly assumed I was going to be grabbed. I wasn't scared and without any real reason to react that way, I calmly decided to try a martial arts throw over my head. And I can't recall having seen anyone doing martial arts at that point in my life or watching anything like it on TV. Shocked me when it started to work and I aborted the move because I suddenly realized he had no martial arts training that I could recall and I didn't know how to complete the move without hurting him.

This doesn't strike me as normal for the average 9 or 10 year old child and based on a couple articles I've read as an adult actully suggests this could actually be the result of the kind of training more likely to be given to a SEAL. And everything in the article fits what I remember feeling at the time.

It goes on from there. In retrospect my memories don't make sense. It's like my life has been staged half the time. It's always bothered me that people didn't seem to be talking to me or holding actual conversations. Is this the Canada I recall or am I crazy to suspect anything and everything from a zoo to an insane asylum to a Russian game zone for snuff films? I'm actually beginning to wonder if the US I learned about in school actually exists. The most recent yahoo articles sure look a bit ridiculous. Mostly though, a couple cities I've been in look too small to be cities for a million plus people. It's like they are scale models of the larger cities I remember from when I was younger.

The best time of my life was the Fire Crew in '89. If you know the crew, are they safe? Having some weird muscles spasms and nerve responses where the only logical conclusion is implanted nanobots or something that can give off a low electrical impulse. The charge itself is - um - well given the location it wasn't painful but I suspect most of them have either been removed from my system or break down after a bit. However they were clearly capable of being triggered in a coordinated and programmable pattern.

There's tissue damage I can't account for in terms of timing and what was going on in my life at the time. I'm not sure if inserting them caused the damage, whether they have a power source that leaks or as a foreign body they might trigger inflamation and infection. It's one possibility anyway, albeit a tad unbeleivable given my upbringing. The tech shouldn't be this advanced in 2017. Is it 2017? Actually having doubts here.

Given the possibility of programmable miniaturized nerve stimulators (and I can't actually believe I just wrote that) I've been feeling a few pain impulses over the last few weeks. Two stabbing pains through the lower stomach recently, one sharp stab in the back, a pain in the left should and several around the heart region. Beginning to worry this might have a meaning beyond the classic army psychological mindfuck. Like recreating wounds a group of people may have taken in the past or communicating actual or fictional wounds other people may be taking now. If I'm right about the nerve stimulators I've been speculating about anything from military hardware passing on the details of a squad to stressors meant to trigger a particular thought or concern being used by psychological warfare experts. Not sure though if the people running this are professional soldiers, psychologists, or opportunistic civilians.

The words You, Me, and I are popping up in songs starting in 1963 where the context makes no sense UNLESS they are referring to people. It's like a dialect or secret code but I was never taught the grammatical rules.

I was planning to head to Calgary but I will need to spend more time in Montreal saving up the cash. One Montreal seems to be three of the same city inside a larger city. Duplicate VIA rail terminals, CN buildings, street names. All flipped along a compass axis. But there's at least two. If you go nominally east, ie, big hill on your left, go past Place Des Arts then turn toward the hill and go 90 degrees from Rene Leveque Ouest/St Catherine, ex. As far as I can tell you actually came around on the other side of the hill - which makes it an escarpment - and there's a duplicate city (sort of) mirrored on the other side. The thing is, there may be a third Montreal as well. Those two cities all had VIA rail signs on the Ville Marie/Place Bonaventure building. Some with color, some silver. This city has the CN logo. The first two have canals that are close but not identical and this city has a ferris wheel that is too far Ouest to be in the same spot. I haven't checked the canal yet. And it's operational- the other two were not. And there were two ferris wheels visible in the first two cities.  The internet keeps thinking I'm in Ottawa here, but that could be a mislead not geographic fact. And whatever they are knocking me out with when they move me, I have no warning or side effects as far as I can tell.

The weather doesn't match either. I had a doctor either lie and tell me it was minus 20 degrees C the day before, or he told the truth for a Montreal. But the day before (unless I was knocked out) it was above zero the whole day. Sleepwalking doesn't make sense either. I have no history of it, no symptoms, and I'm ALWAYS where I expected to be. If this isn't the original Montreal though, I think it's the biggest and the oldest.

17 April 2016 @ 04:40 am

So, I'm back. Well, sort of. It's been a long time.

I wanted to give an update for anyone still holding out hope I might finish some of my outstanding WIPS.

First, I'm trying to go pro! I will be self-publishing my first novel this year on Kindle under the penname A.E. Silver. If you are interested, there's more info posted at www.aesilver.com.

What does this mean for my fanfiction?

Read more...Collapse )

So there it is. Not the best news, I know, but what I can finish, I will.

Lastly, I really wanted to thank everyone who has taken time to review my stories over the years. It's been a long road for me to get back to writing again and your encouragement had a lot to do with convincing me to stick with it. So thank-you. I may be lousy at replying, but every review was much loved and appreciated.

Warm Regards!


30 January 2009 @ 02:48 am

People are going to end up on the government payroll one way or the other - either during a Bail-Out or through the Social Safety Net when they lose their jobs. Rather than going through the same-old, same-old, personally I'd like to see the government take the opportunity to use that money to encourage positive changes. 

SGCBearcub's 2009 Stimulus Package

Read more...Collapse )
25 November 2007 @ 05:01 pm

The XO laptop. Not-For-Profit. Can I just say what an amazing concept this is? I have no doubts that this piece of equipment is going to quietly revolutionize the world for children everywhere.

My one problem with charity programs is that so many attack the symptoms (necessary), without solving the root cause(depressing). This laptop will go a long way toward attacking the problems. I can't believe what they managed to pack into that case. Inexpensive, rugged, internet and wireless local network. It's even an ebook reader which means textbooks and teaching tools can be digital! 


Go see! Personally, I'm trying to figure out if I can scrape up enough money to participate in the Give One, Get One program. $399 and I get one of these laptops (individuals can't buy otherwise) and a second is donated to a needy child. Deadline December 31. They are focusing on third world countries first, where the budget for education is so much lower, but eventually they want to see every child in the world with one of these. The product is that amazing.

I honestly think they could do it.

Current Mood: enthralled
11 November 2007 @ 11:34 pm
Maybe I was spoiled, growing up in an age of W5 and Dateline news reports. Or maybe my memories are blurred with time, but I seem to recall that journalism used to mean something. Reporters actually went looking for facts and the meaning behind the story. They actually presented news in a way that supposedly allowed the reader to understand the events affecting their lives. 

At the moment, all the articles about the WGA strike seem to be carbon copies of one another, providing little beyond the basic information provided in the first couple of days. And without behind-the-scenes interviews and opinions by experts providing a peek into the motivations of the people driving the decision-making, readers are left to be influenced only by their natural compassion for the below-the-line workers losing their source of income. 

I'd like to think this is a masterful example of the media being used to influence public opinion, but I have the lowering feeling it's because the people writing the articles can't be bothered to find out what the drivers behind the issue actually are. Or worse, they don't know how to find out. Which is scarier.

I don't pretend to be a journalist. But from the outside looking in, several things jump out at me:

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
02 October 2007 @ 11:17 pm

Why Stargate: Atlantis is Doomed (or: A Failure of Archetypes)

This is what I get for buying story structure software right before NaNoWriMo. Gah!!! I had no intention of ranting, but in lieu of tearing my hair out with frustration or sending a Howler to TPTB, this will have to do.

I want to love Atlantis, really I do. But I've been finding the stories increasingly flat-especially this year. I think I finally figured out why.  Unfortunately, they seem to be so busy recreating the character roles from SG-1, that they have completely ignored the  underlying archetypes that made the characters of SG-1 so fascinating and easy to understand.


Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
21 November 2006 @ 09:49 pm
I'll be MIA for the next few days. Our call centre closes for the American holidays and I managed to finagle some vacation time and turned it into a five day week-end.(Although I saved days for NY in May!)

Now here's hoping I can cram the better part of 50,000 words into 5 days. Hoolies. Forget the virtual chocolate. I'm going to need a virtual hospital bed,lol.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
08 November 2006 @ 06:44 pm

Well...I got a lot of words written...

Note to self: Do NOT start a new fanfic two weeks before NaNoWriMo.

So far I've added 12,000 words to the story. It's not the right story, alas. Not sure yet if I'm going to get a chance to finish a real Nano fic this year. I have another 4 day week-end coming up (Gotta love being single at Thanksgiving,lol). So...maybe. Meanwhile, i suppose at the very least I'll aim to complete the word count if not actually qualify.